..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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