I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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