Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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