dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
