That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
