Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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