Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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