New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
