I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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