Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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