i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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