do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
