Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize