Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So. Much. Porn.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
