Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
