you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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