she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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