I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
