Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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