If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
