this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
