hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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