We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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