and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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