Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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