Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
