I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
