Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
