its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
