you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
