By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
