At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
