first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
