Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
