i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
