By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
