Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
