remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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