Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Drunk is not a location!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.