i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half