4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
