I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.