My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest