think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."