My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
