I wannas sexs uuuuu
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
