I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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