It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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