I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize