the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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