i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
