Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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