Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
