He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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