you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
