I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
