they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
