Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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