The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
