Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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