Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
