I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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