Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
