my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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