Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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