M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
