i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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