Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
