Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
