So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize