If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
