I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
