11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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