If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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