1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
